Debriefing

After talking with my mother this morning about an uncomfortable experience this weekend... i am feeling a bit confused and reeling. One of my cousins was coming Sunday night to stay the night and take my Grandfather with her to Delmar. I have some personal history with this gal, and it isn't good. More than once I have had to set boundaries and deal with her abrasive actions. I was dreading her coming, for all of our interactions of late had been over the internet (sense of control for me). But when someone who willfully disdains you comes into the sanctuary of your home it is difficult to bear.

I was not sure if I should have taken the path that was overly nice, i.e. pick her up at the airport, attempt to have conversation, etc. This was not to be, as my mother jumped up and went to pick her up. The second she walked into the house I proverbially felt my skin crawl. She is overly loud, almost like half shouting when just talking. She constantly is trying to one-up people, and show how her opinions are the only ones that matter. She has perfected the art of putting people down so that she is lifted up. Comments that from one person might be sincere and kind, from her are laced with venom. (That is not just my perception either, other people back me up) It didn't take me long before I very carefully, quickly, and quietly got my coat, then told my mother in german that I was going to the store to buy something. I was attempting to obey my mom, as she constantly said to me and my sister when we were kids, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!" By the time I got home a hour and a half later everyone was in bed. The entire time I was gone, I was talking to my best friends to calm down.

The title of the article is debriefing, for that is what happened this morning as I talked about it with my mother. She was surprised at how strongly my cousin affected me, making the comment that I still had a lot of healing to do. This was an unexpected comment, as I thought vamoosing was the best way to be good. She replied that because this gal acted so much like Heather did in how she treated me I could not handle it. She said that she watched me physically recoil and pull into myself at my cousin's abrasiveness. More was said, but what bothered me was the truth to my mother's statement. Why did I respond this way? Why with this person of all persons did I violently withdraw and feel so threatened? I need to mull over this one for a while.