One year later

Well as of yesterday I have been officially divorced for one year. Maybe I should celebrate this day like a birthday? She has actually been physically gone for much longer than that. She moved out officially in August of 2007, but she informed me she didn't want to be married anymore a month or two earlier than that.
There is a lot that can be said with this: I haven't kissed a girl in almost 2 years. I haven't enjoyed a kiss from a girl for 2+years, nor any other girlish contact. This gets better with time! The longer I am single and celibate the easier it is to handle.
I also haven't had anyone to share my soul with for a long time now. It can be said that I do have a couple friends who know me very well, in fact probably better than my ex-wife did. But that kind of friendship pales in comparison to the expectancy of going home to your spouse at night. I haven't experienced that in much longer than 2 years.

Loneliness comes with the territory, as evidence by the fact I am even writing this. At first I lived completely alone and separate from all my family and good friends. Sure I had people around me who where kind, but nobody understood me or really cared to for that matter. But thankfully that is no longer the case, I am with my family now. Yet even with family that loneliness can creep up and bite. It usually comes when I can't get ahold of my friends for whatever reason and I go home with tons in my head and no one to talk to. Even then just bearing through it, the nights are not long and the ache goes away.

I am sure I have a long way to go still, although at the same time I have come so very far already. I am not sure if I will ever get "there" even, but that is OK. Looking back the thought that I was married seems surreal, and almost an illusion like waking up from a bad dream. This is probably from the fact that I tend to live in the moment, and that was rather a long time ago. She left for Basic Training November 06, and came home for a few months before leaving again June 07 only to leave me August 07. She was never the same after Basic, so what little health my marriage had has been gone since Fall 06, 2 1/2 years.

It may transpire that God will place another girl in my path, yet I am not actively looking. In fact from what I have seen around me of women my age group, most are way to immature or underdeveloped to consider, everyone else seems to be already married. I have set the bar super high for girls to meet that I am not sure how many women could ever reach it. Yet that is what is keeping me sane, I will consider a relationship if this perfect woman shows up, but I really don't expect that to happen any time soon.

I am growing one step at a time. I am beginning a career change that I am looking forward to. I love my church family and the healthy opportunities I now have to serve. Life continues, but not hopeless or floundering like have been for so long in my past, rather I have a clear direction in which to travel. I am looking forward to living the rest of the life Christ has given me to live.