Conflict of Heart

I am in a position where I might possible be able to catch up with an old friend. Well really old friend, been close to 10 years since I have had more than one conversation with her. I am relishing the opportunity to catch up, because she is really a great gal worthy of even knowing.

The conflict of heart comes in when my stinkin' brain wants to there to be more to just getting to know her. Then it says just as fast to me, hold on now is that a good idea you don't need to be dating why are you even thinking about it? I feel very torn, on one hand my brain is coming up with, or trying to, a bunch of ways to catch up with her that might in the future leave open the possibility for something. However, my logic does not always agree and tells me to back off the thoughts and just have a good time.

This is however, a first for me. I am attracted to this girl for a number of reasons, besides the pretty thing. She from what I know is a strong christian, and strong in character. I know that she is not afraid to turn her life upside down to do what she believes is right, whether that is going to hurt her or not. I also know that she has a good family, which already know and like me by the way. I remember saying to myself months ago when I first go reintroduced to her over Facebook, and then heard about her life, that this is the type of girl I need to marry. Don't hear me wrong, I wasn't all about marrying this gal, just a girl with the qualities that she possesses.

Thus my conflict, after analyzing my situation, I won't be able to marry for at least 2-3 years or until I have my M.Ed finished. (Finishing means getting placed with a public school teaching job) She has another 2-3 years of her school left as well. I have time on my side, but my brain still rages against itself.

Maybe I need to bake some more bread.